Category: HUMOR


Blind Date

Where were you in 1987?

Remember when Bruce Willis did comedy, and had hair?  Check out this “blast from the past”:

Blind Date Corporate workaholic Walter Davis needs a date for an important business dinner. His brother fixes him up with beautiful Louisiana belle Nadia Gates. However, a seemingly average blind date turns into a chaotic night on the town.

Source: Blind Date

No. 5 on list at this link; click on arrow to left of “bitrate”

TALKED ABOUT LOVER  (AT START OF FILM WHILE FRANTICALLY GETTING DRESSED)

On the lighter side…

Coffee:

Still feel a little guilty about your coffee habit? You shouldn’t. Every day new benefits are being uncovered for this ancient brew, and it turns out keeping your brain healthy is one of them.

Three recent studies suggest drinking several cups of this superfood every day could protect you against cognitive decline, dementia and even Alzheimer’s disease.

Middle aged men and women who down three to five cups of java daily are 65 percent less likely to develop Alzheimer’s, according to one study.  Florida researchers say that three cups of coffee a day could also put the brakes on mild cognitive decline.  And women who consume over 261 milligrams of caffeine daily (around three cups of coffee) are 36 percent less likely to develop dementia than those getting less than 64 milligrams, according to scientists at Baltimore based Johns Hopkins University.

So stop feeling bad about your daily brew. If you aren’t caffeine sensitive feel free to down several cups a day. Just skip the sugar. Got a sweet tooth? Try stevia instead.

“X” here – DON’T try Stevia:

http://empoweredsustenance.com/is-stevia-bad-for-you/

Two Ladies Talking In Heaven (Humor)

This valued blogger has not made any posts since early last year.  I hope the author remains active. Was unable to amend spacing errors in the text; posted as is.

Two Ladies Talking In Heaven

TwoLadiesTalkingInHeaven

 

Florida Hurricane Evacuation Plan

Just found out that Pacific Paratrooper lives in Hurricane Alley…

Thanks for this pic; be safe, G.P.

“Hit the floor”

I found this when cleaning up my documents files.

470_2779900 c14

This is a true story as told by the lady involved…….

The woman said that she and her husband were in Atlantic City

for the weekend when she won a bucket full of quarters at one

of the slot machines.

She and her husband decided to go for dinner and she wanted to

stash the bucket full of quarters in their room before they

went to the dining room, so she made a dash for the elevator.

 

When the elevator door opened to let her in, she noticed that two

black men were already onboard and one of them was big

…..VERY big.  She felt totally intimidated.

She froze, thinking the men might try to rob her.

She stared at the two men feeling anxious, flustered and ashamed,

hoping the men didn’t see her hesitation but knowing they did.

 

With a mighty effort of will, she stepped aboard the elevator, turned

stiffly around and stared at the doors after they closed. The elevator

did not move!  Suddenly, panic consumed her as she began thinking,

“I’m trapped in an elevator with two black men

and I am about to be robbed!!”

 

With her heart fluttering and great drops of perspiration pouring from

every pore in her body, one of the men said, “Hit the floor.”

Instinct told her to do exactly what they said, so she quickly threw the

bucket of quarters in the air and then collapsed on the elevator floor

with her arms and legs spread widely.

 

Then she heard one of the men say politely, “Ma’am, if you will just

tell us what floor you want we’ll push the button for you…”

The one who said this had some trouble getting the words out as he

was trying mightily to hold in a huge belly laugh.

He reached down an arm and helped her to her feet and said, “Ma’am I

meant the button for your floor, not the floor of the elevator.”

 

The three of them gathered up all of the strewn quarters and they

escorted her to her room as she was still a little unsteady on her feet.

 

The next day, flowers were delivered to her room, a dozen red roses,

and attached to each rose was a nice crisp $100 bill.

The card said, “Thanks for the best laugh we’ve had in years.”

Signed: Eddy Murphy & Bodyguard

B.C. / A.C.

Before Coffee; After Coffee…   HA!

But First…

 My long time Veteran friend from long gone J.Jab, sent another “Daily Groaner” to brighten my day.  Especially apropos for those who are professional procrastinators…

But First…

I have a condition often found in folks of my age. The scientific world has not yet officially recognized it as a disease. Therefore many other people may suffer from and may not as yet have been diagnosed. However, now you may be able to discuss it with your loved ones and try to explain what really happened to you all those times you tried so hard to accomplish something and didn’t…

It’s call it the “BUTFIRST Syndrome.”

Here are the symptoms:

I decide to mow the lawn. I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. Okay, I’m going to mow. BUTFIRST I’m going to read the newspaper.

After that, I notice the mail on the table. Okay, I’ll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack. BUTFIRST I’ll look through that pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Now where’s the checkbook?

Oops! There’s the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I’m going to look for that checkbook. BUTFIRST I need to put the glass in the sink.

I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice the garden need a drink of water. I put the glass in the sink, and darn it, there’s the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What’s it doing here? I’ll just put it away. BUTFIRST I need to water those plants.

Head for door and Ack! I stepped on the dog. The dog needs to be fed. Okay, I’ll put that remote away and then water the plants. BUTFIRST I need to feed the dog.

At the end of day:

Mowing is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are unpaid, checkbook is still missing, and the dog ate the remote control.

AND, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, I’m baffled, because I KNOW I was BUSY ALL DAY!

I realize this condition is serious…and I should get help…BUTFIRST I think I’ll read all my email !!!!

*        *        *        *        *        *        *       *        *

My own two cents… MEOW! lol

 Garfield

Marriage Counseling

wife12

Some guys just don’t “get it”…

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?”

“Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”

False Teeth

false teeth2

False Teeth

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him he said, “I forgot my teeth!”

The man said, “No problem.”  With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. “Try these,” he said.

The speaker tried them.  “Thanks, but they’re too loose,” he said.

The man then said, “I have another pair… try these.”

The speaker tried them and responded, “Too tight.”

The man was not taken back at all.  He then said, “I have one more pair… Try them.”

The speaker said, “They fit perfectly!”  With that he ate his meal and gave his address.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.  “I want to thank you for coming to my aid.  Where is your office?  I’ve been looking for a good dentist.”

The man replied, “Oh I’m not a dentist.  I work at the morgue.”

If you want humor, find the Political Cartoons tab on my header; hover and click on Political Satire Videos.  I just had to update one of them; the original “didn’t exist”… Hogwash! Apparently, the artist must have deleted his YT channel. The video was carried elsewhere on YT, and I was able to recover it.

Enjoy:

The Ripening Wanderer

https://theripeningwanderer.com/

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