HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059

From a Veteran friend; who usually sends e-mail like this under “Daily Groaner”… (Groan and forget it”)

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059

• Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

• White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.

• Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

• Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

• Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

• Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

• France pleads for global help after being taken over by Libya. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

• Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

• Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

• 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

• Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

• Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

• Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

• Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.

• Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

• Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

• Illinois Supreme Court rules in favor of atheists, makes Illinois 3rd state to be declared a God free state, all churches must close by December 1.

• New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.

• IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

• Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Stop organized crime.  Re-elect no one.

Shades of JibJab…Where did piss poor come from ?

Where did piss poor come from ?
We older people need to learn something new
every day…
Just to keep the grey matter tuned up.
Where did “Piss Poor” come from?
Interesting History.

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot.
And then once it was full it was taken and sold to the tannery.
If you had to do this to survive you were “Piss Poor”.

But worse than that were the really poor folk who
couldn’t even afford to buy a pot.
They “didn’t have a pot to piss in” and were the lowest of the low.
The next time you are washing your hands and
complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it,
think about how things used to be.

Here are some facts about the 1500′s
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May,
and they still smelled pretty good by June.
However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.
The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water,
Then all the other sons and men, then the women and
finally the children.
Last of all the babies.
By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.
Hence the saying, “Don’t throw
the baby out with the Bath water!”

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath.
It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals
(mice, bugs) lived in the roof.
When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would
slip and fall off the roof.
Hence the saying, “It’s raining cats and dogs.”

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings
could mess up your nice clean bed.
Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the
top afforded some protection.
That’s how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.

Hence the saying, “Dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors that would get
slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor
to help keep their footing.
As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door,
it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.
Hence: a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren’t you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.

Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot.

They ate mostly vegetables And did not get much meat.

They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving left overs In the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day.

Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.

Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.

When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.

It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “bring home the bacon.”

They would cut off a little to share with guests And would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter.

Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food,

causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes,

so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf,

the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky.

The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.

Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.

They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family

would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom; of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people.

So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave..

When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside

and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.

Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell;

thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a “dead ringer”.

And that’s the truth. Now, whoever said History was boring!!!  So get out there and educate someone!

~~~ Share these facts with a friend.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’

We’ll be friends until we are old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends.

Smile, it gives your face something to do!   Soon we’ll all be Piss Poor

Satire – The debt climbs high [Casablanca - "As Time Goes By"]

 The debt climbs high

You must remember this, A bitch is still a bitch, a lie is still a lie!

While Legislative pricks sit by,

The debt climbs high…

And when the Rino’s cave,

They make Obama’s day,

It’s really no suprise;

While “preppers” nod their heads and keep

Their power dry.

Liberal bias,

From the MSM;

Hillary’s gun grab,

Don’t you tread on them!

Obama scams,

The Congress masterbates;

That no one can deny.

It’s still the same damn con game,

America is waiting,

for reason to awake!

If not, it will reflect our fate,

The debt awaits.

Back when Men were Men, and Women were Women – Casablanca:

 

As Time Goes By

You must remember this , A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh

The  fundamental things apply

As time goes by

And when two lovers woo

They still say, “I love you”

On that you can rely

No matter what the  future brings

As time goes by

Moonlight and love songs

Never out of  date

Hearts full of passion

Jealousy and hate

Woman needs man

And man must have his mate

That no one can deny

it’s still the same old  story

A fight for love and glory

A case of do or die

The world will  always welcome lovers

As time goes by

English the official language of the EEC??!

I recieved this in an e-mail, and can’t verify it; which is why I classified it under government, and satire. LOL “X”

 What the EEC really Means!!!

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”.. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”.. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. 

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

 By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. 

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

 

A result of a redirect; “redistract”? courtesy of Talon’s Point… Hee Hee

 If you want more gun control humor, this interview with a general is worth sharing (presumably an urban legend, but could be true). Here’s a t-shirt that I’m putting on my Christmas list. And here’s a parody that shows how leftists think gun control works.

I just might come up with another video with this material…  Note:  these are all tee stirts at  http://www.thoseshirts.com/atf.html     No, they’re not all modeled…Perv’s!

 

 Liked the parody of Fed X’s “When it absolutely… overnight”

“Dear optimist” is from another t shirt address; “roadkill” something or other. I forgot to keep the address.

 

 

 

 

International Liberty

Restraining Government in America and Around the World

Excellent Powerpoint Presentation on the 2nd Amendment

October 14, 2010 by Dan Mitchell

I’ve periodically put up gun control posters that have been very popular (here, here, here, here, and here). I’ve also posted amusing images of t-shirts and bumper stickers on gun control (here, here, and here). And I’ve posted three different videos on gun control (here, here, and here). If you liked those posts, you’ll really like this powerpoint presentation.

Firearms and the Second Amendment.